To Court Or Not To Court

Dear Lydia May,

I am in an extremely heart wrenching situation. There is this guy...
He's not very attractive and he could stand to lose a few.
Sometimes I see him in the library bobbing his head to the beat of Vivaldi blaring in his ear buds.
He lives with his parents and his mother picks him up from school every day.
Every time I play volleyball with him he kind of bounds toward the ball and does this strange thrusting with his hands...but he seems to miss it every time...??

The other day he called my father and said he was interested in me. What should I do?
I want to COURT...because all my friends are. And I'm scared because I'm only a sophomore and no one has called yet. What if he is my only chance?

With Yearning For Prudence And A Husband,

Maddie Fae

__________________________

Dear Maddie Fae,

I understand that this is an awkward time in your life. To court or not to court is always the question in a budding, Christian woman's life.
This is my response. COURT. If a man has made his declaration in content (and not form) and has singled you out to be the companion of his future life, I would take advantage of this once (or maybe a few times for me) in a lifetime opportunity. Since his feelings will no longer be repressed and he has ardently told you how much he admires and loves you, you should therefore, COURT!!
It is the duty of a woman to bind herself to a man in matrimony as soon as possible!
I hope you take heed of my wisdom.

A Hearty Farewell My Bosom Friend,

Lydia May

A Gentle Reminder For My Friends

Sometimes I like to post obvious things on Facebook.
Just to let people know what is going on in the world in case they live under a rock. I figure that this is one of the ways I can help my fellow classmates out...
You see, I am aware that we are all busy college students who already have enough trouble finding the time to look outside our windows, let alone realize what day it is.

Thus, I find the best way to inform my friends is through harmless Facebook statuses such as, “It’s snowing!!!” or “Finally, the Sabbath rest has come upon us…” or… this is the best: “IT’S CHRISTMAS YOU GUYS!”

I've also noticed that some college students are not capable of deciding which food is good or not. So I help them out by posting a status or two… or maybe three… like this: “Oh my goodness! Everyone, CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE SOOOOOOO GOOD.” Or… “Mmmm… Pumpkin spice lattes just hit the spot.”

Last and definitely not least, just in case my friends have not slept enough and have not realized that it is, in fact, finals week, I write a gentle yet stern reminder of what the perfect finals week is like: “1 hour of sleep, cup of coffee in hand, reading 785 words per minute (what a diligent pace, I dare say!), hearing the joyful melody of my FRESHMEN roomies doing their solfege, barely staying alive on my diet of those moist truffles from Bucers, and feeling those butterflies leap up and down in my Oropharynx before my natural science final. THIS MUST BE FINALS WEEK EVERYONE!!!!!”

I like to think that these oh-so subtle reminders bless everyone (and especially my boni amici!) around me.


P.S. GUYS, GUESS WHAT?!  IT’S BREAK!!!

Lydia May and Maddie Fae

What I did during break...

This break I kept a journal, just for myself. Writing isn't my strong suite (that would be bench press), but my professors are always getting on me for misspeling easy words

 The term was hard for me in terms both of muscle gain and sanctification. I'm going to write down my experiences for each day to make sure I don't get tangled up in any sin issues and just spend the time wrestling with spiritual growth and pummeling it into the ground.

I spent Monday in prayer. And in the gym, cuz it was bench day.

After a couple of warmup sets, it was time. As we loaded heaps of 45's onto both sides of the bar, my spotter and I chanted a Psalm.

I got under the bar, interspersing Scripture with form cues. “He shall be like a tree, planted...” scapulae together, shoved into the bench... “He yields his fruit in season...”thumbless grip, pull the bar apart, flare the lats... “Not so the wicked...” tight butt, arch the back.

The negative went smoothly, and as I neared lockout, I shouted “The joy of the Lord is my strength!” and bam, a PR was made. Triceps burning, I headed home to read some Spurgeon and meet with an elder from my church.

Tuesday was so incarnational. Awake at the rooster's first crow, I brewed some extra-sludgy coffee, something to put hair on my chest. Donning an extra-tight Disturbed cutoff and True Religion jeans with plenty of skulls and ivy, I grabbed my guns and drove to the mountain. My dog and I made a simple meal of corn nuts and the raw flesh of several endangered species I had shot. I steered my rusty Ford Bronco back down the mountain path in the dusk, smoking the fifth cigar of the day and listening to a Driscoll sermon. You know, the one where he yells at you. Back home for a late-night coffee with a ruling elder from my church.

Wednesday was pretty darn incarnational, but maybe not as much as Tuesday. I was back in the gym. It was curl day. I started the day with a well-rounded breakfast of a protein shake, a Builder Bar, and a NOXplode preworkout pump with creatine, grape-watermelon-punch flavored. And some more chest-hair coffee.

It just wasn't my day, and by the seventh set of curls my bi's were screaming. No matter how much I grunted, I just couldn't finish my ninth set. Crestfallen, I pulled my Tapout beanie lower down my face and stomped out of the gym.  Time to shower and head to my Lamentations Bible study.

Thursday marked the fourth day of my beard growth. I anxiously checked my upper lip in the mirror first thing in the morning, and sure enough I found some good fuzz. Not quite a beard, more of a 11-year-old-Mexican look, but it's progress.

I checked my chest too. No dice. I'll get a massive dragon tattoo instead.

Thursday afternoon I went to chop wood with an elder from my church.

Friday was looking to be a good day, but it bombed. I met with an elder from a church for coffee at 5:30, and I realized while I was talking to him that I had been not making any serious marriage-preparation muscle gains for a while. I told him my plans to get an internship at a nearby waste management company that is expanding rapidly, as well as host as many dinner parties as possible. I know those are the most important things, I said. The elder shook his head and began to say something about emotional maturity or whatever, but I wasn't respecting him as much I should have; I was planning rugby scrimmage. That meeting set me on edge, and in my weakened state I did something I hadn't done since high school. Modern Warfare II really brings to mind some great times, like youth group lock-ins and lingering prayer hugs.

- Clint Calvin Machen (Male Ghost Writer)

Studying Hard for Finals

This week I am motivated to conquer my finals like Saxons storming a Norman castle.
As I sit in my room watching the golden leaves fall from the trees through the window I memorize the eschatological significance of creation ex nihilo.

Pause. 20 minute dove chocolate break.

Then, as I practice for my music oral final I am inspired to belt out songs of joy and autumnal thanksgiving at local coffee shops for all to hear. Singing the diatonic intervals brings my heart joy in this stressful week.

Pause. 30 minutes frappuccino/triple chunk cookie dough ice cream break.

Finally, I contemplate what goodie I will bribe my teacher with tomorrow during my oral final. hmmm...this makes me hungry.

Pause. 40 minutes late night macaroni and cheese break.

                                                                                         Maddie Fae

Status update!

Facebook status of the hour: Anyone want to come to my house and watch Bride Wars with me? I'll provide the snacks and drinks. You just come. :)

(Seen by 60 people) No comments or likes.

Lydia Ryan

Chortles In The Hallway

Cute Boy: "The other day I couldn't find my pencil."

Girl: "Oh MY WORD! That is so funny! hahahahachortlecacklehaha!"

Cute Boy: "I finally found my pencil but I realized it was out of lead."

Girl: "You are hilarious! Are you serious? No way! hahaha!"

Cute Boy: "So I had to use a pen instead."

Girl: "Hahahasnorthaha!"

Maddie Fae

A Masculine Perspective

 Every day I wake up and check my Populi account… After all, I might have picked up some more followers since last night when I checked last. Nope, still stuck at three. Then I mentally prepare my outfit for the day. It's sunny, so I think a fedora would be just the ticket to block all those harmful rays. Then I carefully slip on my vest...unbutton a couple shirt buttons... and pull on my skinny jeans. No, I don’t skateboard, or do any extreme sports, why would you ask a question like that? I just want my legs to look like skateboarder legs. As I sling on my messenger bag, I turn up my music. Lately, I’ve been really into these guys from Portland with sweet neck beards. As I walk to class, I see another guy in a fedora and vest, but he must attend one of the secular universities because he does not have 30 books in his bag and he has a sleazy woman on his arm. For some reason all the pagan guys who dress like me have really nasty looking women. It's really weird because I am on the lookout for a good, upstanding Christian woman with a passion for Augustine and cooking. As I walk, I massage my soul patch goatee combo. I've been nurturing and caring for it for weeks and it is starting to look really fly. Heading to class, I see that girl that cheered when I was playing buckbuck and I wonder how good she is at cooking apple pie. Who knows, some upstanding Christian woman might be impressed by my ninja skills when I play in friendship square tonight. I'm pretty sure that whole game is a major chick magnet. 

Ghost Writer: Joseph Danielson Wintucket

Thoughts on the Upcoming Ball

Every young woman needs this list of helpful heartening hints for the hard times in life. Especially the difficult and disheartening dilemmas in which you are just not sure if anyone likes you. Can you think of anything worse than the feeling that not one guy has a crush on you? There is a no fail method to encourage your naturally humble female mind through these spiritually turbulent times. This is to interpret every male action as specifically directed toward you. You can practice this in everyday life. Take walking down the street, for instance, if a cute guy walks by you, looks at you and smiles, you could take this to mean that he likes you. However, if he does not, just tell yourself that he was too overtaken by your beauty to even look at you. Now you might be one of those girls who always gets whistled at. If so you've got it made. If not, do not worry; all is not lost. Interpret this to mean that you are not a slut and (only slutty girls get whistled at.)  These are general instances. For specific instances, say school dances, there are still ways. The Ball always begins with the grand march. If you are singled out for this dance, then do not be offended because you think it is the most boring. He most likely asked you because it was the first dance and he wanted to hold your hand for a long time and talk (awkwardly) with you. Next will be the virginia reel (yes the fun one). If he asked you for this one he definitely thinks you're cool. It might be going too far to say he likes you. The next one is a mixer, the scottish polka, this one is nigh impossible to justify being asked to dance. The only thing I can say is to just hope he is a clueless dork and didn't realize it was a mixer. The posties jig  is even more fun than the virginia reel. If you are singled out for this one, you can be satisfied....he may even ask you to marry him next. If you are not...well...just assume he got stuck in an awkward eye contact exchange with another girl and felt it was rude not to ask her. He is a chivalrous man...go for him! I won't get into discussing waltzes, because that is far to touchy for any christian school...I mean, you may as well get married!

Ghost Writer: Heather Lorraine

I hate it when guys do that...

"Guess what happened today?"

"WHAT?!"

"A guy honked at me."

"Oh my word."

"And do you wanna know what else happened at me?"

"What?"

"A guy in a Uhaul truck whistled at me."

"Wow."

"I know... it was super annoying."

"Yeah..."

"And do you wanna know what else happened?"

"What?"

"A dude on a bike almost crashed when he rode by me..."

"Wow..."

"I know... I hate it when guys do that."

Lydia Ryan

Teenage Prep

After church today some of the preschoolers were causing a ruckus, those cute little urchins. I could see they just needed a little godly attention to their baptisms, so I set each one of them on my knee and chanted the entire Heidelberg Catechism aloud with them, adding hand motions. Then I taught the whole group to sing along to Bach's *St. Matthew's Passion*. Gearing up to be a mom myself someday!

Ghost Writer (Chris Schlect)

Brown Paper Bag Lunches

This week I decided to bless my dear father by making his lunches everyday.
Day 1: peanut butter and jelly sandwich, apple, oatmeal raisin cookie in a brown paper bag
Day 2: ham and cheese sandwich, freshly picked orange from my backyard orange tree, homemade power bar, water bottle in a brown paper bag
Day 3: BLT on toasted bread, strawberry banana smoothie, walnut arugula salad, chocolate mocha     mousse pie in a brown paper bag
Day 4: a whole chicken marinated in bbq orange sauce, homemade stuffing, crescent rolls, chicken broccoli soup, mexican rice, a side of fettuccine, hot chocolate in a thermos in a brown paper bag
Day 5: freshly roasted lamb on a spit, three loaves of bread, steak, linguine pasta with grated parmesan, lobster, a slice of very cherry berry merry cake, a bottle of vintage wine in a brown paper bag
Day 6: a thanksgiving turkey with buttermilk mashed potatoes, my famous whole wheat baguettes, freshly churned butter to go with the bread, escargot, creme brulee, baked alaska, a fresh cup of coffee, and a hand stitched lace doily lining the brown paper bag
Day 7: It was Sunday, so I prepared a Christmas feast for my family then did the dishes
                                                             maddie fae

Status Update

Baking, courting, running, chatting, smiling, eating, flirting, volleyballing, walking, snorkeling, drinking, burping, slurping, baking, chirping, barking, typing, working, emailing, copying, scanning, meeting, greeting, buying, starbucksing, shopping, baking, creeping, stalking, boating, swimming, listening, talking, tennising, facebooking, chortling, cuddling, texting, baking, four squaring, sweating, pony tailing, drawing, doodling, judging, misspelling, yawning, gallivanting, reading, writing, baking, solving, pondering, struggling, weeping, sweeping, scrubbing, lifting, singing, building, financing, cropping, shooting, sleeping, winning, baking, updating. GOOD DAY.

Lydia May

Temptations

I was simply parched. I could barely speak. And there were no Fiji waters in the fridge... so I slipped my Tom wedges on, reapplied my almay mascara (100 % organic) and dashed out the door. I drove my birthday present, a brand new lexus.  In the grocery store, as I walked toward the beverage coolers in the back, a cupcake monkey sugar bombs Ben and Jerry's cup caught my eye. I couldn't resist. Looking both ways down the aisle, I made a bee line for it. Since I ran 2 miles today, I thought that I deserved it, but we'll see what happens on the scale tomorrow morning.
Lydia and Maddie

Simply Pulchritudinous

Today I indulged myself and got a quick trim at the hair salon downtown. And...if I do say so myself...it's pretty babe-alicious. The color compliments my eyes perfectly and the shaping makes my face look long and accentuates my cheek bones. I couldn't wait to show my friends and family the transformation. So I grabbed my phone, went into the bathroom, and took a great snapshot of my face to post as my profile picture. Do you know how hard it is to get a good picture like that? It takes many tries, but if you get the lighting just right and angle your wrist as far back as it will go you should be able to take a modelesque shot of yourself for the world to see. Just check out my fb page to see the results!                   Maddie Fae

Starbux

Sitting in class all morning long, scribbling furiously to keep up with the teacher lecturing, working out at the rec center, homework...when will this day end? Oh wait...it's only 2:30, and I have to work a seven hour shift tonight starting at 3:00. I need a serious pick-me-up. Thank goodness Starbucks is always ready to make me my extra hot venti triple shot nonfat two pump toffee nut wet cappuchino with whip, any time of the day. How would I survive without them?
                                                                                        Maddie Fae

Instant Notifications

These first two weeks of college have been so hard for me. The loads of reading,  meeting new people, staying up late writing papers, and the worst... having no notifications on Facebook. So to cheer my sorry self up, I think I will instagram a few babe shots of me studying super hard. No one will know that I'm really not studying, but writing on this blog and hoping that I will get at least 20 likes on Facebook.
Lydia May

A Resplendent Sunrise

At 5:30am sharp, I woke up and went on a brisk ten mile jog through the nipping and eager air. After that, I made a fresh pot of coffee and read all of Jane Austen's works...my favorite Jane Austen line is, "For what do we live but to make sport of our neighbors!" After reading for four and half hours, I decided to make twenty loaves of bread and five triple chocolate truffle cakes just for fun.
Lydia May

A Distressing Errand

Following my midday meal I proceeded to the grocery store to buy some organic flaxeed oil. As I stood in the checkout line thinking about my new chocolate chunk muffin recipe that I was planning on dominating that night, the cashier asked me if I preferred a paper or plastic bag. Appalled is the only word capable of describing my reaction. Paper or Plastic? I whipped out my eco friendly hand woven basket and marched out of the store.
                                                                                                Maddie Fae