Dear Lydia May,
A superb opportunity has arisen in my new found love life. I
no longer have to consider Mr. Unsportsy-Vivaldi-Living With His Parents-Suitor
because yesterday A Hotty Lamotty With a Naughty Body declared his interest in
me. I know his GPA falls a little short of 1.5 and his summer job weeding his
grandmother’s garden doesn’t bring in a large fortune…but I’m pretty sure he
has a four foot vertical and he can do a double back flip off of a skate
board ramp. Seriously. Hot stuff…I could probably fry my morning omelet on his
platform abs.
He might not be so great right now, but he could have
potential. I have caught him once or twice staring at his reflection on his
computer screen during class…but nevertheless he called – and I am flattered.
What are your thoughts?
Wanting Wisdom and To See Him Do His Back Flip,
Maddie Fae
___________________________________________
Dearest Maddie Fae,
I have been in many a situation of yearning and thirst for a
man with broad shoulders and good stature, a man that catches a line drive with
the fierceness of a lion pouncing on its prey, a man that glides down the
mountain gracefully as a swan with skis. Alas, my thirst has not been quenched.
But may the waters of good looks and athleticism wash over you and your future
offspring. That is the greatest blessing of all: to have extremely good looking
children who can be the star player in every high school sport. And may I
conclude with the wise words of Jane Austen, “Stupid men are the only ones
worth knowing after all…” So Maddie Fae, go for that stallion of a man…
For your children’s sake,
Lydia May
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