Wednesday, December 30, 2015

this. guy. #thisguy
I just wanna give a shoutout to this guy because #christmasbreak.
this guy is my rock. this guy is my better half. just can't imagine life without this guy.
This guy. That face. Those eyes. These blessings.
I have been abundantly blessed by this sacramental stache. #stachegram#stachelove
This guy's love makes me blossom afresh every day.
#blessedwiththebest#tagsfordays#tagsforlikes
s/o to this guy for being there for me.
s/o to this guy for figuring me out.
s/o to this guy for being a beautiful testament in my life.
s/o to this guy for always buying me Starbux because #mondays. 
#2moredays #hunk #chizzled #this #guy #boy #nodistance #nomorecountdowns #waitingpatiently #handsome
#smilingfromtheinsideout


-Maddie Fae and Lydia May

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

#its#a#fresh#life

Freshman Guest Writer!

Hey. I’m Calvin. It’s been four weeks since I got to the 'scow, and I’ve been making good friends here, like Zoe, Cat, Kari, Marie, Chase, and Hrothgar and we’ve been having some EPIC times. Speaking of which I’m wearing Kari’s hoodie from when we were smoking at the arboretum a couple nights ago and I was cold. Haha, awkward. #somuchfun

I kind of came to this school to escape jocks, but they’re swarming here. I don’t get along with people whose thighs are thicker than my torso. But here they are, bro-ing it up on the rugby pitch and building masculine relationships without me. #secureinmyways. It’s such a military, gung-ho culture. Pass. Testosterone is great, but it actually makes you hairy and prone to coronary disease. I’m fine with not having as much of it as them. And stop asking me to play rugby. People get injured playing rugby. I don’t even own gym shorts and quite honestly most sports are for people with fewer brain cells than me. 

There are girls here who take really, really good good pictures of themselves. I’ve made friends with them basically so that they will take more pictures of me #lovethyselfie. I feel a little guilty, but some of my outfits should really be making the rounds on style blogs. I honestly don’t think that’s pride saying that. It’s important to be truthful. It’s hard for me not to reach the conclusion that I’m just more aesthetically Christ-like than everyone else. #bejealous

Man, people get really uptight here about girls and “protecting them.” It’s like every time I date anyone, it’s this huge pastoral situation.  I think Cat likes me but I also think Angelina might too. Zoe and I went out a couple times but…you know, shtuff.  My plan is not to “pick” one girl now, but to just get close to all of them and really find out where their hearts are. Kari might like me too. 

Last night I sat between Kari and Angelina while we watched Django Unchained and I think Cat was a little, um, peeved at me. I seriously do not try to “single her out” but it kind of happens. Girls misinterpret what I say and do so much. It’s like, yes, we took a three hour walk and talked about life and I might have held your hand; no, that does mean I’m going to call your Dad tomorrow. I have to think these things through, ya know?

Yeah, school is really tough. Between skimming Aristotle and price-comparing cardigans online #timeforfallcolors #yay, I just don’t have time for all these Bible studies and singing. When do these people get their homework done? Latin is so hard, Cat and I stayed up till 4 AM drilling verbs at Monica’s house. The Latin prof eats broken glass most meals and judges me for wearing jeans.

Well, I better sign off. My favorite jeans are pretty tight when I sit down #whywearjeansthattouchyourshoes? So tonight I’m gonna stay standing up, maybe take a long walk with ma peoplezz. Gotta remember to get smokes at the Corner Market first. Camel Wides, American Spirits, or Marlboro Southern Cut? I go back and forth. Also I go back and forth on which upperclassmen I invite to the stuff we do, because only some of them will buy us beer. 
#word.
#wordywordwordword
#instaword #instain and #instaOUT


-Freshie Guest Writer

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Love is in the Air

Ladies, 
Do you suffer from the increasing fear of having flowers delivered to yourself every Valentine's Day? Do you share the two-for-one special at La Casa Lopez with your mom? Did you have a Galentine? Yes you did. And you know you need a Sampson to tear down the pillars of your loneliness. 

Lydia May and Maddie Fae are here to provide you with our no fail five step plan to snatching up your man. 

1. Grab a baby. Any baby. Walk past your man with this baby at church. 
2. Grab a baby. Different baby. Take a pic of you smooching this baby and post it on Facebook. 
3. Do your research. You never know when his favorite NCAA team will come up in conversation. 
4. Constantly smell of freshly baked apple pie. It is the musk of a future wife. 
5. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. DOMESTICITY. LET IT BOUND. 

And men, does your diet consist of Mac and Cheese and Poptarts? Do your dishes stack up for weeks at a time? Do you even use dishes? Or do you just use old pizza boxes? Have you worn the same pair of mismatched socks for the last week? You need a woman's tender loving care. Here is the precarious path to a woman's heart: 

1. When you go running (every day) be sure to pass the houses of all the single girls you know. 
2. Invest in a good hair product. The sharper the hair the prettier the girl. 
3. Only play sports you are good at. 
4. Constantly smell of cigars. It is the musk of champions. 
5. A note will melt her heart. Flowers will make her swoon. Chocolate will make her fat. 

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

To Court Or Not To Court Part 2


Dear Lydia May,
A superb opportunity has arisen in my new found love life. I no longer have to consider Mr. Unsportsy-Vivaldi-Living With His Parents-Suitor because yesterday A Hotty Lamotty With a Naughty Body declared his interest in me. I know his GPA falls a little short of 1.5 and his summer job weeding his grandmother’s garden doesn’t bring in a large fortune…but I’m pretty sure he has a four foot vertical and he can do a double back flip off of a skate board ramp. Seriously. Hot stuff…I could probably fry my morning omelet on his platform abs.
He might not be so great right now, but he could have potential. I have caught him once or twice staring at his reflection on his computer screen during class…but nevertheless he called – and I am flattered.
What are your thoughts?

Wanting Wisdom and To See Him Do His Back Flip,
Maddie Fae
___________________________________________

Dearest Maddie Fae,
I have been in many a situation of yearning and thirst for a man with broad shoulders and good stature, a man that catches a line drive with the fierceness of a lion pouncing on its prey, a man that glides down the mountain gracefully as a swan with skis. Alas, my thirst has not been quenched. But may the waters of good looks and athleticism wash over you and your future offspring. That is the greatest blessing of all: to have extremely good looking children who can be the star player in every high school sport. And may I conclude with the wise words of Jane Austen, “Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing after all…” So Maddie Fae, go for that stallion of a man…

For your children’s sake,
Lydia May

Monday, December 17, 2012

To Court Or Not To Court

Dear Lydia May,

I am in an extremely heart wrenching situation. There is this guy...
He's not very attractive and he could stand to lose a few.
Sometimes I see him in the library bobbing his head to the beat of Vivaldi blaring in his ear buds.
He lives with his parents and his mother picks him up from school every day.
Every time I play volleyball with him he kind of bounds toward the ball and does this strange thrusting with his hands...but he seems to miss it every time...??

The other day he called my father and said he was interested in me. What should I do?
I want to COURT...because all my friends are. And I'm scared because I'm only a sophomore and no one has called yet. What if he is my only chance?

With Yearning For Prudence And A Husband,

Maddie Fae

__________________________

Dear Maddie Fae,

I understand that this is an awkward time in your life. To court or not to court is always the question in a budding, Christian woman's life.
This is my response. COURT. If a man has made his declaration in content (and not form) and has singled you out to be the companion of his future life, I would take advantage of this once (or maybe a few times for me) in a lifetime opportunity. Since his feelings will no longer be repressed and he has ardently told you how much he admires and loves you, you should therefore, COURT!!
It is the duty of a woman to bind herself to a man in matrimony as soon as possible!
I hope you take heed of my wisdom.

A Hearty Farewell My Bosom Friend,

Lydia May



Monday, November 19, 2012

A Gentle Reminder For My Friends

Sometimes I like to post obvious things on Facebook.
Just to let people know what is going on in the world in case they live under a rock. I figure that this is one of the ways I can help my fellow classmates out...
You see, I am aware that we are all busy college students who already have enough trouble finding the time to look outside our windows, let alone realize what day it is.


Thus, I find the best way to inform my friends is through harmless Facebook statuses such as, “It’s snowing!!!” or “Finally, the Sabbath rest has come upon us…” or… this is the best: “IT’S CHRISTMAS YOU GUYS!”


I've also noticed that some college students are not capable of deciding which food is good or not. So I help them out by posting a status or two… or maybe three… like this: “Oh my goodness! Everyone, CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES ARE SOOOOOOO GOOD.” Or… “Mmmm… Pumpkin spice lattes just hit the spot.”


Last and definitely not least, just in case my friends have not slept enough and have not realized that it is, in fact, finals week, I write a gentle yet stern reminder of what the perfect finals week is like: “1 hour of sleep, cup of coffee in hand, reading 785 words per minute (what a diligent pace, I dare say!), hearing the joyful melody of my FRESHMEN roomies doing their solfege, barely staying alive on my diet of those moist truffles from Bucers, and feeling those butterflies leap up and down in my Oropharynx before my natural science final. THIS MUST BE FINALS WEEK EVERYONE!!!!!”


I like to think that these oh-so subtle reminders bless everyone (and especially my boni amici!) around me.



P.S. GUYS, GUESS WHAT?!  IT’S BREAK!!!


Lydia May and Maddie Fae


Monday, October 15, 2012

What I did during break...


This break I kept a journal, just for myself. Writing isn't my strong suite (that would be bench press), but my professors are always getting on me for misspeling easy words
 The term was hard for me in terms both of muscle gain and sanctification. I'm going to write down my experiences for each day to make sure I don't get tangled up in any sin issues and just spend the time wrestling with spiritual growth and pummeling it into the ground.

I spent Monday in prayer. And in the gym, cuz it was bench day.
After a couple of warmup sets, it was time. As we loaded heaps of 45's onto both sides of the bar, my spotter and I chanted a Psalm.
I got under the bar, interspersing Scripture with form cues. “He shall be like a tree, planted...” scapulae together, shoved into the bench... “He yields his fruit in season...”thumbless grip, pull the bar apart, flare the lats... “Not so the wicked...” tight butt, arch the back.
The negative went smoothly, and as I neared lockout, I shouted “The joy of the Lord is my strength!” and bam, a PR was made. Triceps burning, I headed home to read some Spurgeon and meet with an elder from my church.

Tuesday was so incarnational. Awake at the rooster's first crow, I brewed some extra-sludgy coffee, something to put hair on my chest. Donning an extra-tight Disturbed cutoff and True Religion jeans with plenty of skulls and ivy, I grabbed my guns and drove to the mountain. My dog and I made a simple meal of corn nuts and the raw flesh of several endangered species I had shot. I steered my rusty Ford Bronco back down the mountain path in the dusk, smoking the fifth cigar of the day and listening to a Driscoll sermon. You know, the one where he yells at you. Back home for a late-night coffee with a ruling elder from my church.

Wednesday was pretty darn incarnational, but maybe not as much as Tuesday. I was back in the gym. It was curl day. I started the day with a well-rounded breakfast of a protein shake, a Builder Bar, and a NOXplode preworkout pump with creatine, grape-watermelon-punch flavored. And some more chest-hair coffee.
It just wasn't my day, and by the seventh set of curls my bi's were screaming. No matter how much I grunted, I just couldn't finish my ninth set. Crestfallen, I pulled my Tapout beanie lower down my face and stomped out of the gym.  Time to shower and head to my Lamentations Bible study.

Thursday marked the fourth day of my beard growth. I anxiously checked my upper lip in the mirror first thing in the morning, and sure enough I found some good fuzz. Not quite a beard, more of a 11-year-old-Mexican look, but it's progress.
I checked my chest too. No dice. I'll get a massive dragon tattoo instead.
Thursday afternoon I went to chop wood with an elder from my church.

Friday was looking to be a good day, but it bombed. I met with an elder from a church for coffee at 5:30, and I realized while I was talking to him that I had been not making any serious marriage-preparation muscle gains for a while. I told him my plans to get an internship at a nearby waste management company that is expanding rapidly, as well as host as many dinner parties as possible. I know those are the most important things, I said. The elder shook his head and began to say something about emotional maturity or whatever, but I wasn't respecting him as much I should have; I was planning rugby scrimmage. That meeting set me on edge, and in my weakened state I did something I hadn't done since high school. Modern Warfare II really brings to mind some great times, like youth group lock-ins and lingering prayer hugs.
- Clint Calvin Machen (Male Ghost Writer)

Monday, October 1, 2012

Studying Hard for Finals

This week I am motivated to conquer my finals like Saxons storming a Norman castle.
As I sit in my room watching the golden leaves fall from the trees through the window I memorize the eschatological significance of creation ex nihilo.

Pause. 20 minute dove chocolate break.

Then, as I practice for my music oral final I am inspired to belt out songs of joy and autumnal thanksgiving at local coffee shops for all to hear. Singing the diatonic intervals brings my heart joy in this stressful week.

Pause. 30 minutes frappuccino/triple chunk cookie dough ice cream break.

Finally, I contemplate what goodie I will bribe my teacher with tomorrow during my oral final. hmmm...this makes me hungry.

Pause. 40 minutes late night macaroni and cheese break.

                                                                                         Maddie Fae

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Status update!

Facebook status of the hour: Anyone want to come to my house and watch Bride Wars with me? I'll provide the snacks and drinks. You just come. :)

(Seen by 60 people) No comments or likes.

Lydia Ryan

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Chortles In The Hallway

Cute Boy: "The other day I couldn't find my pencil."

Girl: "Oh MY WORD! That is so funny! hahahahachortlecacklehaha!"

Cute Boy: "I finally found my pencil but I realized it was out of lead."

Girl: "You are hilarious! Are you serious? No way! hahaha!"

Cute Boy: "So I had to use a pen instead."

Girl: "Hahahasnorthaha!"

Maddie Fae




Monday, September 17, 2012

A Masculine Perspective


 Every day I wake up and check my Populi account… After all, I might have picked up some more followers since last night when I checked last. Nope, still stuck at three. Then I mentally prepare my outfit for the day. It's sunny, so I think a fedora would be just the ticket to block all those harmful rays. Then I carefully slip on my vest...unbutton a couple shirt buttons... and pull on my skinny jeans. No, I don’t skateboard, or do any extreme sports, why would you ask a question like that? I just want my legs to look like skateboarder legs. As I sling on my messenger bag, I turn up my music. Lately, I’ve been really into these guys from Portland with sweet neck beards. As I walk to class, I see another guy in a fedora and vest, but he must attend one of the secular universities because he does not have 30 books in his bag and he has a sleazy woman on his arm. For some reason all the pagan guys who dress like me have really nasty looking women. It's really weird because I am on the lookout for a good, upstanding Christian woman with a passion for Augustine and cooking. As I walk, I massage my soul patch goatee combo. I've been nurturing and caring for it for weeks and it is starting to look really fly. Heading to class, I see that girl that cheered when I was playing buckbuck and I wonder how good she is at cooking apple pie. Who knows, some upstanding Christian woman might be impressed by my ninja skills when I play in friendship square tonight. I'm pretty sure that whole game is a major chick magnet. 

Ghost Writer: Joseph Danielson Wintucket

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Thoughts on the Upcoming Ball


Every young woman needs this list of helpful heartening hints for the hard times in life. Especially the difficult and disheartening dilemmas in which you are just not sure if anyone likes you. Can you think of anything worse than the feeling that not one guy has a crush on you? There is a no fail method to encourage your naturally humble female mind through these spiritually turbulent times. This is to interpret every male action as specifically directed toward you. You can practice this in everyday life. Take walking down the street, for instance, if a cute guy walks by you, looks at you and smiles, you could take this to mean that he likes you. However, if he does not, just tell yourself that he was too overtaken by your beauty to even look at you. Now you might be one of those girls who always gets whistled at. If so you've got it made. If not, do not worry; all is not lost. Interpret this to mean that you are not a slut and (only slutty girls get whistled at.)  These are general instances. For specific instances, say school dances, there are still ways. The Ball always begins with the grand march. If you are singled out for this dance, then do not be offended because you think it is the most boring. He most likely asked you because it was the first dance and he wanted to hold your hand for a long time and talk (awkwardly) with you. Next will be the virginia reel (yes the fun one). If he asked you for this one he definitely thinks you're cool. It might be going too far to say he likes you. The next one is a mixer, the scottish polka, this one is nigh impossible to justify being asked to dance. The only thing I can say is to just hope he is a clueless dork and didn't realize it was a mixer. The posties jig  is even more fun than the virginia reel. If you are singled out for this one, you can be satisfied....he may even ask you to marry him next. If you are not...well...just assume he got stuck in an awkward eye contact exchange with another girl and felt it was rude not to ask her. He is a chivalrous man...go for him! I won't get into discussing waltzes, because that is far to touchy for any christian school...I mean, you may as well get married!

Ghost Writer: Heather Lorraine

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I hate it when guys do that...

"Guess what happened today?"

"WHAT?!"

"A guy honked at me."

"Oh my word."

"And do you wanna know what else happened at me?"

"What?"

"A guy in a Uhaul truck whistled at me."

"Wow."

"I know... it was super annoying."

"Yeah..."

"And do you wanna know what else happened?"

"What?"

"A dude on a bike almost crashed when he rode by me..."

"Wow..."

"I know... I hate it when guys do that."

Lydia Ryan


Monday, September 3, 2012

Teenage Prep

After church today some of the preschoolers were causing a ruckus, those cute little urchins. I could see they just needed a little godly attention to their baptisms, so I set each one of them on my knee and chanted the entire Heidelberg Catechism aloud with them, adding hand motions. Then I taught the whole group to sing along to Bach's *St. Matthew's Passion*. Gearing up to be a mom myself someday!

Ghost Writer (Chris Schlect)

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Brown Paper Bag Lunches

This week I decided to bless my dear father by making his lunches everyday.
Day 1: peanut butter and jelly sandwich, apple, oatmeal raisin cookie in a brown paper bag
Day 2: ham and cheese sandwich, freshly picked orange from my backyard orange tree, homemade power bar, water bottle in a brown paper bag
Day 3: BLT on toasted bread, strawberry banana smoothie, walnut arugula salad, chocolate mocha     mousse pie in a brown paper bag
Day 4: a whole chicken marinated in bbq orange sauce, homemade stuffing, crescent rolls, chicken broccoli soup, mexican rice, a side of fettuccine, hot chocolate in a thermos in a brown paper bag
Day 5: freshly roasted lamb on a spit, three loaves of bread, steak, linguine pasta with grated parmesan, lobster, a slice of very cherry berry merry cake, a bottle of vintage wine in a brown paper bag
Day 6: a thanksgiving turkey with buttermilk mashed potatoes, my famous whole wheat baguettes, freshly churned butter to go with the bread, escargot, creme brulee, baked alaska, a fresh cup of coffee, and a hand stitched lace doily lining the brown paper bag
Day 7: It was Sunday, so I prepared a Christmas feast for my family then did the dishes
                                                             maddie fae

Status Update

Baking, courting, running, chatting, smiling, eating, flirting, volleyballing, walking, snorkeling, drinking, burping, slurping, baking, chirping, barking, typing, working, emailing, copying, scanning, meeting, greeting, buying, starbucksing, shopping, baking, creeping, stalking, boating, swimming, listening, talking, tennising, facebooking, chortling, cuddling, texting, baking, four squaring, sweating, pony tailing, drawing, doodling, judging, misspelling, yawning, gallivanting, reading, writing, baking, solving, pondering, struggling, weeping, sweeping, scrubbing, lifting, singing, building, financing, cropping, shooting, sleeping, winning, baking, updating. GOOD DAY.

Lydia May

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Temptations

I was simply parched. I could barely speak. And there were no Fiji waters in the fridge... so I slipped my Tom wedges on, reapplied my almay mascara (100 % organic) and dashed out the door. I drove my birthday present, a brand new lexus.  In the grocery store, as I walked toward the beverage coolers in the back, a cupcake monkey sugar bombs Ben and Jerry's cup caught my eye. I couldn't resist. Looking both ways down the aisle, I made a bee line for it. Since I ran 2 miles today, I thought that I deserved it, but we'll see what happens on the scale tomorrow morning.
Lydia and Maddie

Simply Pulchritudinous

Today I indulged myself and got a quick trim at the hair salon downtown. And...if I do say so myself...it's pretty babe-alicious. The color compliments my eyes perfectly and the shaping makes my face look long and accentuates my cheek bones. I couldn't wait to show my friends and family the transformation. So I grabbed my phone, went into the bathroom, and took a great snapshot of my face to post as my profile picture. Do you know how hard it is to get a good picture like that? It takes many tries, but if you get the lighting just right and angle your wrist as far back as it will go you should be able to take a modelesque shot of yourself for the world to see. Just check out my fb page to see the results!                   Maddie Fae